It is one of those moments that mark the unofficial start of Fall around these parts. The Field Of Screams in Mountville PA once again adds another chapter to their legacy of terrorizing young and old alike from September 11th through the middle of November. It is located about forty miles from where I live, but I have never gotten around to visiting it. Still, as a huge Halloween guy it seems like something I should make the trip for.
There are four main haunted attractions that require separate admissions, but the cost structure is designed for attendees to secure a “Scream Pass” (or even a “Group Scream Pass” for large parties) which gain you entry to each one.
I do have a few thoughts based on the Field Of Screams info provided about each attraction…
Haunted Hayride – “Prepare yourself for the most disturbing, the most heart-pounding, and the most intense ride of your life! There is no turning back as the tractor-pulled wagons take you on a horrifying hayride into the depths of our dark and sinister cornfield.”
“In just twenty minutes, every horror you have ever imagined will come to life and haunt you for the rest of your days.”
Dark and sinister cornfield, huh? When I was a kid who hadn’t taken possession of common sense yet, one year a bunch of us hid out in a big cornfield the night before Halloween and threw handfuls of corn at passing cars. Mind you, this was a back road where the top speed was approximately 10 mph, so it wasn’t quite as heinous as it sounds. However, during our Mischief Night adventure when those kernels hit one car in particular, the driver hit the brakes, parked in the street, and flung open their door.
My friend Mikey may still be running.
Den Of Darkness – “Three stories of sheer terror await as you creep through the dismal passageways and maddening mazes of this 200-year-old original barn. Incredible detail, dynamic set design, and a multitude of grotesque inhabitants guarantee high-impact scares and sensory overload!”
“The dark and mysterious past of the Den began when the Murter family resided there. Mr. Murter tortured both vagrants and locals who approached their land, and their blood still stains the ground. Years later the residence was renovated into The Garden Hotel and ironically the horrific killings increased. As the demented hotel staff committed torturous murders, many checked in but few checked out.”
Three stories? 200-year-old barn? I’m not so much worried about all those dismal passageways and maddening mazes as much as whether or not the barn floors will support any visitors. The Garden Hotel clearly has a severe Human Resources problem. To be honest, this place sounds an awful lot like The Hotel California. You can check out anytime you like…but you can never leave.
Frightmare Asylum – “Welcome to your worst Nightmare! Check in to your new living quarters at the Frightmare Asylum and become a part of the bone-chilling madness as you explore four floors of the demented and the deranged! Feel the fear as you meet the disturbed doctors and nightmarish nurses who have taken up residence here! Experience elaborate theming, state-of-the-art scares, and seemingly endless scenes and rooms that are packed with more cutting-edge special effects than you can handle. In the Frightmare Asylum, no one can hear you scream!”
“The malpractice of the doctors and nurses in the Asylum has caused the inmates to become unstable and prone to seek their revenge on all who enter the condemned building.”
Four floors? Condemned building? Visitors here clearly have to be more worried of dying from the Asylum collapsing upon itself more so than all those demented, deranged, revenge-minded inmates running amok. You say no one can hear you scream? That certainly tracks if you wind up under a massive pile of rubble. (It appears I might have some residual trauma from exploring less-than-safe abandoned structures on my town’s “wrong side of the tracks” when I was a kid…)
Nocturnal Wasteland – “In the foreboding and desolate woods on the Field of Screams property lies the Nocturnal Wasteland. As you walk down the narrow, winding paths through the dense overgrown vegetation, you will come face-to-face with the mutant creatures of this fear-filled forest! Your screams and cries for mercy will be too distant to be heard.”
“A walk-through Nocturnal Wasteland provides intense scares and heart-pounding experiences that will leave you screaming through the woods. The inhabitants of this Wasteland watch their visitors squirm and they show no mercy once they track you down. Experience the hair-raising touch of the brander’s tool and smell your own burning flesh as he presses the brand into your skin.”
Sounds like you make your way through a thick Jumanji-like jungle with bad actors trying to keep you from getting where you want to go. I have never experienced anything like that specifically, but I suppose it is a bit like those old 6 AM Black Friday sales. Those crowds always made me feel like I was in a cattle roundup, but fortunately for we shoppers there was no branding or burning flesh involved. (One Thanksgiving however, I did have the burning flesh experience while transferring the turkey from the oven to the counter but I digress…)
Now…for those of you who might for some reason (or lack thereof) need even more terror and horror at the Field Of Screams…I give you…Extreme Blackout.
Extreme Blackout – On Friday November 13th only, all four attractions of the Field of Screams show will be darker, more intense, and hands-on! You will be subject to new methods of torture, physical restraint, and isolation that are not a part of our regular season show. Extreme scare tactics and fear-inducing techniques will be incorporated as part of your Extreme Blackout experience. Not all will survive. Release waivers must be signed in order to participate!
And straight from that release waiver itself…
I UNDERSTAND THAT BY PURCHASING A TICKET TO PARTICIPATE IN EXTREME BLACKOUT, I MAY BE SUBJECT TO PHYSICAL RESTRAINT; ISOLATION; TORTURE; MISDIRECTION; DARK AND NARROW AREAS; DISORIENTING LIGHTING, SOUNDS, AND SPECIAL EFFECTS; PHYSICAL TOUCHING; AND OTHER SCARE TACTICS AND FEAR-INDUCING METHODS AND TECHINIQUES NOT MENTIONED HERE. I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS AGREEMENT AND I AM AWARE THAT BY SIGNING THIS AGREEMENT I MAY BE WAIVING CERTAIN LEGAL RIGHTS, INCLUDING THE RIGHT TO SUE.
OK, this does NOT sound OK. Is it breaking news you have to sign a waiver to participate?
My wife is not into the horror performance art thing at all. She told me when we first met in the autumns of her youth, her youth group managed each year to find their way to various haunted hayrides and houses. She reminds me of this whenever I mention the two of us possibly going to Field Of Screams together. She thanks me for the offer, but advises she has already been sufficiently traumatized for life.
Me, I don’t know if I dream of doing this. I do love a well-done horror movie as much as the next person. But, do I really want to live one out, immersing myself in a hands-on experience like this? Extreme Blackout sounds very much like a near-Death experience, and since I’m on the backside of life, I don’t need to edge any closer to Death…so that one is a hard pass.
As for the four main attractions, I have a concern about the proximity of all those performers who jump out and grab at you while your senses are in a heightened, frightened state. I am concerned I might instinctively knock one of them out while in attack mode. Then…you’ve got real blood mixing with fake blood…various lawyers involved, etc. I think I’d have to recruit at least one person to accompany me to Field Of Screams…if for nothing else than to serve as a witness for the police report.
I know they get a ton of visitors there, and it sounds like everybody makes it back home in one piece. I don’t know what your experience is regarding attractions like this but I’ll pose the question here…would you dare go there for scares?
Pictures Courtesy Tripadvisor/Haunted Pennsylvania
